Sample Sale: Sacrilege Edition

So we have a new Pope and Easter is this weekend (Unless you're Eastern Orthodox, in which case Jesus isn't back until Cinco de Mayo.). What better time to tie your conspicuous consumption to religious themes? Oh, also: a kick-ass recipe for all your leftover hard-boiled eggs.

Donald J Pliner Viky (Zappos, $139.99 from $198) You probably can't afford to have your shoes handmade by Italian shoemakers like Pope Benedict did, but these are a lovely shade of red.

Burgundy Wool Hat (Boring Sidney, $55 on clearance) Not as fancy as the pope's mitre, but certainly jaunty!

Alice & Olivia Wrap Front Maxi Dress (Shopbop, $176 from $220) Resurrection chic!

Rose Water Syrup (Terrain, 49.95 from $14) Because I don't know about you, but religious holidays with my family always involve cocktails.

Burgundy Feathered Fascinator (Anthropologie, $99.95 from $188) I know what I'm wearing to Easter Mass next year!

Chocolate Peanut Butter Eggs (Williams Sonoma, $7.99 from $11.95) For those days when Reese's eggs just aren't good enough.

Easter Jacquard Towels (Carte & Barrel, $3.95 from $12.95) I confess: I have a shameful weakness for holiday-themed tea towels. These aren't available online, but the website will tell you if your closest store has them.

Red Ceramic-Crate Egg Holder (Sur La Table, $8.99 from $12.95) In which to serve your bacon deviled eggs (see recipe below).

Sylvain the Little Rabbit (Land of Nod, $16.95 from $29) I would say get this for the kids in your life, but I kind of want to snuggle it myself.

Bacon Deviled Eggs

(Adapted from this recipe at Chow)

12 Eggs
6 tablespoons mayonnaise
1 teaspoon dijon mustard
2 teaspoons rendered bacon fat
2 teaspoons cider vinegar
2 teaspoons chopped fresh thyme leaves
3-4 slices of bacon, crumbled*
shredded cheddar cheese (for garnish)

*If you have a Trader Joe's near you, I highly recommend their Bacon Ends.

1) Hard boil the eggs. Peel, cut in half & remove yolks.

2) Mix yolks, mayo, mustard, bacon fat, vinegar, thyme, and crumbled bacon until smooth

3) Pipe or spoon the mixture into the egg whites (I cut the corner off of a Ziploc bag & pipe that way).

4) Shred the cheddar over the eggs

5) Attempt to avoid eating them all in one sitting

Sample Sale: End of Winter Survival Kit

New week, new name! Welcome to the Sample Sale. This week we'll be discussing what to do when it's officially Spring, but the stuff falling from the sky can best be described as "slush."

Wool Engineered Stripe City Coat (Land's End, $179 from $298)  I know, I know: you want to be wearing your adorable spring coat. But at least this is a stylish and warm alternative. (Bargainer's Note: Land's End usually has a megasale on winter clothes in July. I got the solid brown version of this coat for $60.)

Lineae Blades Necklace (Annie Costello Brown, $296 from $370) For your disgusting morning commute, a visual representation of "Leave me the fuck alone."

Skunk Mittens (Uncommon Goods, $4.99 from $22) Much like the necklace, a warning to stay away.

Blanket Scarf (Theodora & Callum, $79 from $175) I don't think you're actually supposed to use it as a blanket? But I once had a desk in an unheated basement and this really would have come in handy.

When you finally make it home, you'll probably be cold, wet, hungry, and grumpy. Put on these things:

Cotton-lined wool knee-highs (Sock Dreams, $10 from $15)

Flannel Sleep Pant (JCrew, $29.99 from $49)

Farfar Cardigan (Anthropologie, $29.95 from $128) (With the caveat that some of the reviews said it smelled funny. ALWAYS read the reviews on clothing discounted this heavily. There are usually defects of varying severity, like "armholes kind of small" or "box was filled with bees.")


Then drink this:

Hot Chocolate (Williams Sonoma, $6.99 from $19.99)


In this:

Owl Mug (West Elm, $5.99/$8 from $10)


While eating these:

Love You Chocolate Collection by Knipschildt Chocolatiers (Dean & DeLuca, $13.75 from $55[!!]) That is 75% off chocolate, y'all. If that doesn't say "just trying to survive until spring," I don't know what does.


And finally, curl up in this:

Ultraplush Sherpa Fleece Throw (LL Bean, $34.99 from $49.50) Heck, buy a dozen, build yourself a cocoon, and come out a beautiful butterfly in six weeks.

Thought vs. Speech at the Home Store

"BABY RAZOR, COME HERE." Oh god, I sound so mean. That elderly woman in front of me in line just totally side-eyed me. I know kids like to run around, but if she gets out of my sight, I am never going to find her.

"NO! STOP THAT! Do I have anger issues? I think I might have anger issues. Because it feels like the vein in my forehead is about to explode. "DO. NOT. WIPE YOUR NOSE ON THAT!" Christ, I hope she didn't wipe her nose on that.

Maybe I need to go back to therapy about this anger problem? Why isn't this goddamn line moving? Oh my god, is that man writing a personal check? I hope he gets hit by lightning. "LET GO OF MY LEG, PLEASE."

"Okay, fine, you can run around. Just stay where I can see you." Oh, now they're having a conversation about how the customer learned to drive on his grandfather's farm when he was 12. I am standing in line in 1953. "BABY RAZOR? BABY RAZOR?" Ohshitohshitoshit. I can't see her. Motherfucker, I lost my child in line to buy pillows. I am the worst mother on the planet. Oh, there she is, thank God. "BABY RAZOR, GET. OVER. HERE."

Almost there. I can do this. I am calm. I am calm. "OH MY GOD, GET YOUR FACE OFF THE FLOOR. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" I just insulted my child in public. Fantastic. Mother of the year, here I come.

"Do you want to sign up for our rewards program?"

"Uh, no, thank you." Is he kidding me? "Baby Razor, honey, please stop screaming."

"Would you like to sign up for our store card?"

"No, thank you." I understand he has to ask, but I mean... "Get off the floor, Baby Razor."

"You can save $15." Okay, NOW he's fucking kidding me.


In conclusion: I am buying pillows from the internet from now on.

Sample Sale: Happy Irish Stereotype Day

I live in an Irish neighborhood, I lived in THE Irish neighborhood, I've been to Ireland 4 times, and unless you're offering me free corned beef and cabbage, I'm frankly uninterested in St. Patrick's Day. I'm old and jaded! I'm post-debauchery!

But I still love Ireland, so here's a bunch of stuff that made me think fondly of my time there.

Rose Garden Color Story Dress (ModCloth, $37.99 from $54.99) Love the pink/green contrast. This is a great dress for frolicking outside on the first warm day of spring.

Waterfall Sequin Tank (eloquii, $22.99 from $45) Shiny, green, SHINY.

Crochet Lace Earrings (ShopBop, $75.60 from $108) I think these are on sale because they're kind of gigantic, but whatever. I love the idea of wearing doilies on my ears.

Short Sleeve Mini Dress (Tulle, $56.00 from $80) Um, this is one is for clubbing in Ireland? Actually, it makes me wish I was 22 again so I could wear it to impress the Irish boy with whom I had an ambiguous relationship. Buy this, go dancing, kiss someone random, and think of me, okay?

the Bobbie Oxford  (Madewell, $124.99 from $165) My friend Kate told me to make a Lord of the Dance joke for these, but the truth is I just really, really want them for myself.

Good Luck Charm Bracelet (Madewell, $21.99 from $29.50) Sweet without being kitschy.

Cap's Shield (Think Geek, $13.99 from $19.99) Because Steve Rogers' parents in the comics were Irish immigrants. /nerd

Utopia Devil/Angel Teapot (Jonathan Adler, $66 from $110) First thing I learned in Ireland: Take The Tea. The first thing you will be offered in an Irish home is tea, and if you decline it will be re-offered every ten minutes until you finally agree to a cup Irish hosts are not comfortable until you have a cup of tea in front of you, so just take it the first time.

Pug Stopper (Z Gallerie, $9.99 from $14.95) Ha ha, the Irish are drunks! Ha ha ha. Ha.

Whiskey Stones (Think Geek, $19.99, Buy one Get one 50% off) Ok, for real though, they do make great whiskey. This was the only deal I could find on something whiskey-related, and I guess it's a good one if you're the type of person who has whiskey-drinking parties. Are you that type of person? We should be friends.

Eleven Women You Should Know About

WWII Special Ops badass Nancy Wake has no patience for that French shit.

International Women's Day was last Friday. In celebration I dipped into the bookmark folder I call "Awesome Ladies" and tweeted links to almost a dozen Women of Badassery. (I have the folder because I have a secret dream of writing a series of blockbuster movies about real-life ladies who make the Avengers look junior varsity.)

Someone asked me to put all the links together, so here they are:

Ching Shih, the most successful pirate of all time, male or female, in that not only did she wreak havoc and strike fear into the hearts of millions, she also successfully retired and died in her bed instead of hanging from a noose. (Badass of the Week)

Sayyida al Hurra, Muslim pirate queen, who turned to piracy as an Eff You to the Europeans who had overtaken her home in Granada. (Amazing Women in History)

Hazel Ying Lee, Asian-American, WWII WASP pilot. (Wikipedia) (Discovered via Kelly Sue DeConnick's tumblr, which often features interesting links to women warriors.)

Lumberjills! Yeah that's right: lady lumberjacks. During WWII, the British Women's Timber Corps did everything the 'jacks did, but with cuter head scarves. (Long May She Rain)

Mary Kingsley, who explored and wrote about the West African coast on her own during the Victorian era. (The chief end of life)

Florence Dixie, another Victorian, who traveled to Patagonia and South Africa and wrote about her adventures, and spent her time at home agitating for women's suffrage and Irish home rule. (Wikipedia)

Mary Anning, who found and cataloged dinosaur fossils in England during the early 19th century. (Lyme Regis Museum)

Emmy Noether, a pioneering mathematician who contributed advances to abstract algebra and theoretical physics and became one of the world's first female math professors. (Wikipedia)

Nancy Wake I'm just gonna quote the wiki for this one: On the night of 29–30 April 1944, Wake was parachuted into the Auvergne, becoming a liaison between London and the local maquis group headed by Captain Henri Tardivat in the Forest of Tronçais. Upon discovering her tangled in a tree, Captain Tardivat greeted her remarking, "I hope that all the trees in France bear such beautiful fruit this year," to which she replied, "Don't give me that French shit.”" (Wikipedia)

Hatshepsut, who ruled ancient Egypt as pharaoh (oh pharaohs have to have a certain beard, seeing as how they're supposed to be men? Wooden beard! Problem solved.) (Lapham's Quarterly)

And finally, an ancient, anonymous Siberian princess, whose gorgeous, intricate tattoos provide a visual link between past and present. (Siberian Times)

So that's pirates, pilots, lumberjills, explorers, writers, a fossil hunter, a mathematician, a spy, a queen, and a Siberian. Go Team Women.

Sample Sale: Spring Is Springing

It's snowing in Boston right now, but they tell me Spring is coming. The extra hour of daylight this weekend should help to convince me. In the meantime, here are some products to artificially brighten your day.

Simple Garden (A+R, $15 from $30)
My problem with a lot of garden kits is that they just give you the seeds, or the seeds and the pot, and you have to figure out how to actually grow stuff, which is the hard part. This kit gives you everything from a How To booklet to the dirt--sorry "organic sustainable planting medium."

Drifted bobby pin set (Anthropologie, $9.95 from $24)
Excellent if you're growing your bangs out or, like me, always have that one damn strand of hair that won't stay in the pony tail.

Red Tulip Planter (Furbish, $12 from $24)
If the Simple Garden works out, grow some tulips in here. If you kill the tomatoes in two weeks, just fill it with candy.

Blue Bird Organic T-shirt (abc Carpet & Home, $19 from $45)
For any Spring baby showers to which you're invited. I could never bring myself to splurge on hand-crafted baby items, but boy did I love getting them as gifts.

Garden of Eden lace dress (Free People, $69.95 from $128)
A little twee on its own, but the right accessories could make it edgy and fun. Or wear it as is to your family's annual egg hunt.

Teo Camisole (Rag & Bone, $76.50 from $255)
Dear ladies who do not need bras: Please buy this and wear it for me and all the other droopy ladies out there Because that back is dead sexy and we'd like to live vicariously through your hotness.

Open Ladybug bangle (Emily Elizabeth Jewelry, $50 from $65)
There was one unseasonably warm fall when I was in college and thousands of ladybugs hatched late. About a dozen of them snuck into my dorm room and kept me company. It was wonderful. They're pretty, they don't bite, and they eat more destructive bugs. Buy this bracelet and feel positive about insects.

Pig Butter Dish (Jonathan Adler, $34 from $68)
OK, its connection to spring is tenuous at best. But look, SO CUTE!

Carved White Quartz Cocktail Ring (Wendy Mink, $40 from $195)
I love me a cocktail ring, and not just for cocktails. They're great for kicking up an everyday outfit. ALL of Wendy Mink's classic cocktail rings are just $40 until 3/11.

Sample Sale

The lovely Jane Marie used to do these sale posts every Friday at the Hairpin. I thought I'd try my hand at it this week. It's harder than you'd think! Leave your bargains in the comments and happy Friday everyone.

Peacock eyelashes, Sephora ($9 from $19) I own these and have worn them in public. They are insane and ridiculously fun.

Vintage collar top, Eshakti ($41.95 from $59.95) Because it's covered in butterflies! Pair with this skirt to complete the look.

Losana Ring, Nettie Kent Jewelry ($60) Cute, classy, and made by one of my high school classmates.

Squirrel Kit, Paper Source ($4.98 from $9.95) Sure, why not? Your cat probably needs the target practice

Marvel House of M sale, Comixology ($.99 from $1.99) In which the Scarlett Witch magics into being a universe where almost no one has superpowers or mutations. I haven't read it yet so I can't say much beyond that, but I've heard good things about it.

She-Ra Babydoll, Think Geek ($12.99 from $21.99) Because She-Ra, duh.

Gift Trimmed Pumps, Anthropologie  ($9.95 from $168) Wait, REALLY? Someone needs to order these and find out if that price is legit.

Dizzy Petals Corkscrew, Anthropologie  ($14.95 from $28) That is way classier looking than the corkscrew you have now, right?

Finally, are you ready to think about bathing suits? Land's End has a big overstock collection, and they make high-quality suits in a large variety of styles/sizes. I honestly haven't bought a bathing suit from anywhere else since I was a teenager.